I am a Samaritan

I am a Samaritan. I am writing this article because I am the Publicity Officer for Samaritans of Bournemouth & District, and I try to publicise the service that Samaritans offer, but I am also a Listener. Being a Listener entails not just sitting there while someone talks to you, but really Listening; to what the caller has to say, to their emotions, to their understanding of the world, to whatever it is that is distressing them. As a Listener, I can be a sounding board, a confidante, a punching bag, a companion, or just a human being. In all the parts I play, I am neutral, non-judgemental, I have no agenda, and whatever I am told goes no further than the Samaritans. I am not special; I am the same as every other Samaritan across the country. Every caller is treated in the same way regardless of which branch they get through to, and whichever Samaritan they speak to. Whichever route a caller chooses to reach out to a Samaritan; telephone, e-mail, letters, or face-to-face, we are always there, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Listening is not difficult. It just takes an open mind, and a willingness to understand someone else’s perspective on life. Because all Samaritans are trained in the same way, and because Samaritans want to help people, I can always talk to another Samaritan about how I feel, and this helps a great deal if I am affected by a call. We also have a formal structure for talking through our feelings, to ensure we are not affected by calls. The support and the sense of community I get from being a Samaritan are second to none. It really is a ‘safe’ environment, populated by people who just want to help other people.

Samaritans as an organisation believe that offering people the opportunity to be listened to in confidence, and accepted without prejudice, can alleviate despair and suicidal feelings. This is certainly true in my personal experience of calls. I have lost count of the times that a caller has said to me that it really helps to talk about how they are feeling, and this holds regardless of the depth of despair that a caller feels, or how difficult the situation is that they find themselves in. The calls where I feel I have really helped people are the ones where I hardly say anything at all, and the caller does all the talking. It seems that when people have no fear of judgement or consequences, they just open up. Sometimes it takes a while to make the caller feel comfortable, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the caller doesn’t want to open up, and just needs to talk something specific through that is distressing them. Sometimes callers just want to speak to someone who will Listen to how they feel, and not talk about anything specific.

Because we offer a confidential and non-judgemental service, callers can talk to us about literally anything that is distressing them. In my time as a Listener, I have received or helped other Samaritans through calls that range from suicides in progress, to people who are about to kill themselves, or people who have failed to take their own life. I have spoken with a wide range of callers, including people that have been raped, or abused in some way, or have suffered some kind of discrimination toward them. Many callers have physical or mental disabilities. Some callers are very lonely, or don’t feel as if they want to burden friends or family with what they think are unimportant issues. I have Listened to teenagers who feel unbearably pressured by parent’s expectations, transvestites who can’t tell those they care about who they are, sufferers of terminal illnesses, people who want to live an active life but are too scared to leave their homes, people who feel their sexuality is not acceptable to their loved ones, bereaved people, and people who just can’t see any way through what they are experiencing, the list goes on and on. All of them share one thing in common. All of them need to talk about how they feel, about whatever is distressing them, no matter the situation they are in. If a caller is distressed by something enough to need to call Samaritans, then a Samaritan will Listen to how they are feeling, without prejudice, and in confidence.

The calls which affect me most are the ones where a caller is doing nothing but being themselves, is not harming anyone else, but is distressed because of the way that other people act toward them when they are themselves. Whatever the circumstances around this type of call, what is important is how the caller feels, and it can be heart rending to hear how distressed someone can feel when they realise that being themselves is not acceptable to another person, especially if they are close to that person. Such callers often feel terribly isolated, and that no-one understands them, let alone cares for them. It never ceases to unsettle me that what seem to be little things at the time, or imagined slights, can add up over time to something hugely distressing and insurmountable for people. Listening to such calls is hard, and at first I always think that I wish there was something I could do to help. And then I realise I have helped. I Listened.